Movie 666

By Alicia Frobisher

So I went to the movies AGAIN last weekend. I know, you’re all like “Ally, what, like don’t you have cable or something?” Right, and two parents parked in front of it. I mean, my god, what with Daddy and his pay-per-view wrestling and Mom bein a major horndog an shizit for Richard Gear, I never get to watch what I wanna watch. Except Britney’s Pepsi commercials. Woohoo, go Britney!

So the movie I went to see, you are just going to DIE when you hear it. Black Hawk Down. Yup! Now yer askin, “Al, what the fuzuck up with that?” Two words: Bobby Thorndyke. No, he’s not IN the movie stupid, he took me to see it. Yeah, he wanted to see BHD, so hey, when the guy who’s the best friend of one of the top fifteen cutest guys in the school asks you to go…

Summer in Somalia: Black Hawk Down

So this movie. Well, first of all it was pretty loud. There’s all these helicopters and I gotta admit they look pretty neat, all black and shit. Then these guys in Iran or someplace shoot one and there’s a big explosion. And the helicopter crashes and you guessed it, someone’s gotta rescue it. Who? Eight of the hottest guys you’ve ever seen in a movie! Wow! The rundown: (I don’t know the actors names, these are the names of theyre characters.)

T-Bone: He’s the hunky one. Big ole gun, he’s real serious and doesn’t like it when the rest of em joke around.

Crawdad: He’s the real joker, but he gets real serious cause he’s got a kid back home and like he could die and shit.

Boo: He’s the youngest. He doesn’t even know how to use his gun, but he is so-o-o-o cute, I could just marry him now.

Diesel: Diesel’s a dog. No, not an ugly guy ;( I mean a real dog, like Lassie.

Sniff: He’s also a dog. I know you’re thinkin: if they’re gonna fight Osama, why all the dogs? See, there’s a big snowstorm in Iraq or something, and all these dogs hafta pull Cuba Gooding out of there cause the helicopter crashed.

Yodel: Another dog. Yeah and there’s a bunch more dogs too. I’m startin to think I fell asleep again, and another movie started, cause it started out with a bunch of army guys shootin each other, and now there’s Cuba Gooding being pulled across the ice by his leg going whoa-oa-oa! You don’t say whoa to a dog, dumbass.

Well, now I find out this was a Disney movie, which is pretty strange cause of all the cussing at the beginning. And I had to move to another seat cause Bobby Asshole Thorndyke kept trying to tongue my ear. Ewww! It was a pretty cool movie, though, the way Ridley Scott shows himself a consummate master of fast-paced suspense while avoiding the troubling moral questions raised by the film’s coverage of recent controversial history and its hermetic one-sided take on the complex world of US-Mideast relations. Bye!

Related posts:

1. Focus on the Fight: Black Hawk Down
2. Star Wars Number Two
3. Juno Meets Hanna Montana
4. Will Smith is the Best Batman Ever
5. After the Rewrite the Mind is Now Beautiful

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