The Taking of Sallie Mae One Two Three
Movie Concept, Poster and Treatment by Demon
When evil lending giant Sallie Mae faces a wave of student loan defaults, drastic action is needed to protect the American educational finance system in which former students are condemned to decades of wage slavery in order to pay for college education.
Jake Hammond (Matt Damon), a special forces operative known for his ability to smoke out terrorists in the remote caves of Afghanistan, is recruited by Sallie to lead a strike force that operates outside the law and can sniff out a slacker anywhere on the planet.
Hammond and his team immediately go to work rounding up the lazy, the broke, and the lame. In a daring raid, they capture musician celebrity Matrix Amati (Ethan Hawke) — who, with 17 years and six degrees worth of students loans, is the world’s most indebted defaulter — from a New York City subway train while only killing four innocent bystanders in the process.
News of Amati’s capture and imprisonment in Guantanamo travels quickly through the deadbeat community, and soon former students nationwide are paying their loans on time while prospective students are making the wise decision to forego college and work in service jobs that require little or no training. As Hammond takes control of the streets, floggings for late payments become commonplace while forbearance becomes a thing of the past. The “Hammond Model” is soon touted on Capitol Hill as a way to keep the masses dutiful and responsible, with new strike forces created to enforce debt collection on mortgage payments, medical bills, and music-by-mail clubs.
Meanwhile at Guantanamo, Amati learns of the grave developments on the outside via a message sent to him by carrier roach. Using a fake moustache made from banana leaves, he poses as a visiting Cuban prostitute sent to pleasure the American guards and escapes prison. He then assembles a strike force of disgruntled, violent eggheads and raids Sallie Mae’s mountain fortress, seeking to destroy the original paperwork behind the nation’s student loan debt.
Amati and his commandos approach the large underground cavern where untold numbers of promissory notes are kept. But Hammond is waiting for him with a legion of robot guards.
Amati stares coldly into the eyes of Hammond, then turns to his troops with a dark smile. “Let’s take this cruel bitch down…
“One, two, three…”
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This brilliant film treatment embodies the assertion by Baudrillard that “Reality is part of the stasis of culture.” However, the author takes it one step further, implying that reality is also the defining characteristic and indeed the enemy of the implosion of capitalism. Deftly creating situationisms concerning the role of the slacker as action hero, the author crafts an artful dialectic of conceptual class that impels the spectator to exclaim “Damn, nigga!!!!”
Fools. Glorious fools. Engage in futile fantasy all you want, you will never escape Sallie Mae, whose justice is swift and her reach galactic in scope.
yikes. lucky my dad is paying for my college (cal state fullerton). don’t be such haters guys.