Movie 666

The ubiquitous Michael Caine: Water

In 1985, a movie called Water hit the theaters for about a week and then was gone. Unfortunately, this was probably the best satire of American and European politics of that decade, and most people have probably never heard of it.

The movie is a comedy of errors set in a Carribean British Colony where the local governer (Michael Caine) must deal with a greedy American oil corporation, a comical Marxist rebellion, a ladder-climbing British Diplomat, and bloodthirsty French mercenaries. Instead of discovering oil, they discover a spring of bubbly mineral water, putting their island at the center of an international struggle.

But the film goes far beyond your basic goofy comedy. It manages to capture nearly all the political themes of the times. The military-industrial crazed American government headed by a sleeping President Reagan. The macho power-hungry Texas oil companies who suddenly discover that mineral water consumed by “limp-wristed faggots” is more profitable than petroleum. The hawkish, imperialistic, knife-throwing Margaret Thatcher who sends all her diplomats scurrying to try to save a long-since-dead empire. The bloodthirsty French who care only about protecting their culture and their mineral water. And the baboonish Cuban revolutionaries who are willing to die for the cause, or escape to Miami.

Today, some things have changed. Some haven’t. America has reverted to carrying a big stick under Bush Jr. But the British are smarter and more progressive under Blair. The French are more restrained than they used to be, and Cuba tries to lie low in the post-Soviet era. I highly recommend revisiting Water for the laughs, for the history, and the perspective on how far we haven’t come.

- Dr. Theodore Mangrove

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