Will Smith is the Best Batman Ever

THE DARK KNIGHT

Batman starring Will Smith, Jack Nicholson, Christian Bale, America Ferrara, Rachel Nichols So I FINALLY got out to see a movie again, jeez. It’s not easy these days cause I got four kids. I got three kids, actually, and one little red-face monster who can’t do nothin but yell and scream. Its like jeez, shut up already! So of course I can’t get a baby sitter. I called em all – it’s like a conspiracy or somethin, but three of them’s granmas just died and two are goin in for surgery like tonight! Anyways, if I wanna see The Dark Knight, I gotta take Aidan and Jayzson and Foxee and little Brit with me – what the hell else can I do?

So this movie, its totally about how there’s all this crime and shit in New York (O RLLY?) but don’t worry cause Batman’s here! Yeah, and there’s Heeth Ledger too, he’s the joker and wow! I hear he did this movie after he died! He sure looks like it! Yuck! Anyway, the whole thing everyone wants to know is WHO’S BATMAN! OK, that’s what I want to know. But it was kinda hard to follow what was goin’ on cause Aidan got totally bored after like two minutes and went runnin out of the theater with Jayzson, so I had to go catch them. I got out to the lobby and Jayzson had his head stuck up the Amazing Claw machine. I tried to tell the security guards it was probably all Aidans fault cuz he’s an “instigator” but it took awhile. Then I got back to the theater, and everyone’s all pissed cause Brit’s screamin her head off. I couldn’t find Foxee but it turned out OK, she met this old dude in a raincoat and was sittin on his lap getting a horsey ride and she and the old dude seemed pretty OK with it so I went back to my seat. By the time I got the stupid ushers off my back the theater was pretty empty – cool!

Back to the movie: it turns out Batman is Will Smith! He gave up that stupid bat costume at some point, but now he’s a complete drunk! And he kinda learned to fly, but he crashes into shit all the time and everyone totally hates him even tho L.A. is totally full of crime and shit (O RLLY?). (Wait, did I write that already? Oops!) So I never heard nothin’ about Batman flyin’ before, so I really wanted to see more, but I had to go get Aidan outta the ladies room and then I wasn’t sure what room Batman was in, so I kinda picked at random. I think I got it right, except that Batman and the Joker kinda fell out of the plot and now its all about these dumb chicks and there magical pants that fit anyone who wears them. I call TOTAL BULLSHIT there is not a SINGLE pair of pants that could fit a total fatass like that one girl AND also Roary from the Gillmore Girls. I can’t even get into my old jeans from last summer any more LOL!

Anyway, the movie’s OK except TOTALLY confusing, and after I got the kids from the mall security station, we all went to Hardees and talked about what if Batman’s travelling pants could fit anyone and how cool it would be if Jayzson could wear ‘em and we also discussed whether the superhero genre is a sporadically reoccurring box-office fad or a legitimate cinematic expression of the Nietzschean ubermensch-fantasy, so it’s your old pal Alicia signing off,

BYE!